When Life Hurts...What Do We Do?

When I was a senior in Bible College I had to preach a sermon to the student body. I decided to speak about the story of Job; the righteous man who essentially lost everything he had...his family, his home, his livestock...everything he had was taken from him.

Not only did he lose virtually all he had, to make a bad situation worse, he was inflicted with sores all over his body.

He was in such a desperate spot, his wife said, "Why don't you curse God and die?"

In my message I said, that ironically after losing everything, the one thing Job probably wanted to lose was his nagging wife.

Some of my friends in the room burst out laughing, while the professors did not.

But the story of Job is relevant to us, because it is a story about suffering...unimaginable suffering, and the struggle to make sense of it. Job (and his friends) asked the same questions you and I ask when life doesn't go the way we anticipated.

Last week I reflected on the anniversary of the loss of my dad, and highlighted some of the things that probably don't help as a response. Things like putting a spin on our loss, avoiding our loss, or wallowing in our grief.

I have spent much of my career walking closely with people who have gone through very difficult, painful situations.

And I have seen the devastating affects of loss, the lingering pain and countless ways of dealing with that pain.

I've seen pain and loss destroy some people, while others are transformed by it.

What makes the difference?

I believe that when we suffer loss, instead of trying to "get over it" or "move past it" (ideas that I would say are less than helpful) I suggest that we absorb the loss into our lives.

What I mean is, as difficult as loss is, when we absorb them, we see them as part of our story. Easier said than done, I fully agree.

But absorbing the loss, allows us to learn more about ourselves, about the suffering of others, and ultimately that pain and loss can be good for our soul.

Jerry Sittser, puts it this way, "I did not get over the loss of my loved ones, rather, I absorbed the loss into my life, until it became a part of who I am. Sorrow took up permanent residence in my soul and enlarged it....However painful, sorrow is good for the soul..." (A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows through Loss)

I am in no way saying this is easy, it's not. But when we embrace the loss, and absorb it, we can begin to see it in a different light, and as part of our story, and a bigger story.

At this time of year, as I say, pain often resurfaces the most, perhaps we should see our story, pain and all, as part of God's story. A story He continues to write.

To me, there are really only two responses to pain and suffering. We can let it grind us down, and focus solely on what we've lost, or we can let it grow us, enlarging our soul. We can shake our fists at God, or we can lean into Him.

Loss doesn't have to make us less, it can also make us more. More of who God wants us to be.

From one of my favourite seasonal songs...

Oh, my Lord, you sent your son to save us
Oh, my Lord, your very self you gave us
Oh, my Lord, that sin may not enslave us
And love may reign once more

Oh, my Lord, they gathered all around him
To see him and adore

Oh, my lord, with the child's adoration
Oh, my Lord, there came great jubilation
Oh, my Lord, and full of admiration
They realized what they had
Oh, my Lord, they had become to doubt you
Oh, my Lord, what did they know about you? (He is the truth forever)
Oh, my Lord, but they were lost without you (So praise the lord)
They needed you so bad (His light is shining on us)

Oh, my lord, with the child's adoration (So praise the lord)
Oh, my Lord, there came great jubilation (He is a jubilation)
Oh, my Lord, and full of admiration (So praise the lord)
They realized what they had (Until the sun falls from the sky)

Oh, my Lord, you sent your son to save us

Oh, my Lord, your very self you gave us (This day will live forever)
Oh, my Lord, that sin may not enslave us (So praise the lord)
And love may reign once more

Two thousand years ago, God broke hundreds of years of silence, and showed up as a baby, to tell us He is still here; He is close to us; and He has a plan that includes us. A reminder that even when God feels far away, He isn't. He's right here.

Maybe the "Christmas Story" can serve to remind us that our story is part of a bigger story.

What do you think?

How has suffering loss impacted you? Has it beat you down? Or are you allowing it to enlarge your soul?

Until next time - Dan