We Don't Want Them, But We Need Them to Thrive

My son-in-law Jason is an elementary school teacher and primarily divides his time between three local area schools; and the reality is we can't go anywhere in public with him, without at least one student, sometime many, coming up to him and yelling, "Hey Mr. Leigh!"

It never fails. Every time. "Hi Mr. Leigh, Hey Mr. Leigh"

And Jason always engages them, he knows them by name, and asks them questions. We joke about it a lot, but it's really quite impressive, and I must say, I'm very proud of him.

This past weekend we attended the local Fall Fair, the local hangout for kids, so you know what that means. All day long kids approached Jason to say hello.

I think Jason is a very good teacher and being six-four, he's a big strong dude, but he is actually a strict teacher. He doesn't take any guff (is that a real word?) from students. But the kids love him.

Why do you think that is?

Jason has fun with his students for sure, and helps with after-school sports like baseball and football too. But even though I doubt most kids would admit this, I think they intuitively know that having boundaries and rules in the classroom makes it better.

But there's the tension, right? We don't really like rules, but deep down we know they make a difference.

Sometimes we are so determined to live without rules aren't we?

In Christian circles, antinomianism ( a word you probably only hear in Seminary) is a religious viewpoint, that rejects the need of moral laws and religious ordinances for salvation or living the Christian life, asserting that faith in God's grace is sufficient. This doctrine argues that Christ's work frees believers from the law's constraints, leading some to mistakenly believe that obedience is no longer required. (I would suggest God's grace is sufficient for salvation, but Christians still have rules to live by)

There are many that say, Christianity is about a relationship, not about rules.

But what about the Ten Commandments? Or the mandate to love your neighbour? What about being generous or forgiving or obeying parents? I could go on.

As a teenager, I believed that rules were for other people. The mantra, "Rules are made to be broken" was mine for sure. I broke rules without thinking and sometimes just for fun. I broke the 6th commandment all the time; my entire music collection was stolen.

I had no respect for authority, be it my parents, teachers or the police.

But I bought into a lie, that not following rules would bring me freedom; but the truth is, my life was a mess.

Living life without rules does not lead to freedom...it leads to chaos.

Just look at last week's Ryder Cup. When the normal rules of golf etiquette are thrown out for the sake of competition, chaos ensues. The fans, even the players and caddies acted in ways they normally wouldn't, because the rules disappeared.

But imagine playing golf or any other sport without rules or guidelines. It would be an utter disaster.

Rules and boundaries actually help create order and meaningful experiences; and yet, we lean toward rebellion. "Good girls" being attracted to "bad boys" is a common theme in movies and shows isn't it?

Why?

Because we want to live without rules, even when we know deep down, that rules are usually for our benefit.

Rules of the road

The ten commandments

The laws of physics

Family rules (we called them values)

Rules of engagement

The golden rule

Yes, rules are all around us, and ultimately for our good.

I would guess that your life reflects your use of, or avoidance of, rules.

Consider any area; your finances, your health & fitness, your marriage, parenting, whatever you like. How about your money? If you don't have any rules for your finances, they are probably not in good shape.

Speaking of shape; same goes for that too. If you don't follow some basic rules around your diet and exercise, then you're not likely going to be very healthy.

Yes, I think Jason is viewed as a good teacher by his students, in part at least because he expects certain protocols in the classroom, rules if you will, to be followed. And they are better for it.

The fact is, a world where 2 + 2 does not equal 4, or it equals whatever you want it to...is not freedom, it's chaos.

So what about you?

Q. In what areas of your life are you thriving?

Q. Where are you experiencing chaos?

Q. Are you breaking rules? Or following them?

Q. What rules are working for you now?

Living life without rules does not lead to freedom, but to chaos.

Do you agree or disagree? Let me know, what you think.

Until next time - Dan