This Question Changes Things

Kathy and I watched a movie last week where a local business owner took a young man under his wing. After offering him his first job, he added that he wanted to meet with him a couple of times a week before his shifts so they could talk.

The boss took a real interest in the young man who didn't have a father, and hoped to be a positive influence on him. He taught him some basic skills like how to greet someone with confidence...looking them in the eye, stating your name, offering a firm handshake and asking their name.

At one point he asked the young man a question..."What do you want people to think when they see you coming?

That's a great question; and it got me thinking.

I wonder what people do think when they see me coming?

What about you? What do you think people think when they see you coming? What would you want them to think?

Here are some possibilities...

1. Hey it's great to see you
2. Oh man, he probably wants to borrow money
3. I don't have time for this
4. They're always so negative, I don't need this
5. It's been too long

I would suggest that what people think when they see us is influenced by our reputation and their past interactions with us.

I would like people to be happy to see me and want my company; even if it's just a brief interaction, and I imagine you do too. So what can we do to positively influence what people think when they see us coming?

Listen more than you talk

Listening is a skill. It takes practice and intentionality. It's not waiting to talk, respond, interject or interrupt. Just listen.

People generally like to talk about themselves, so let them. Be curious. Ask questions then ask follow up questions. Don't turn the subject to you and take over the conversation.

"To answer before listening— that is folly and shame." Proverbs 18:13

Be Consistent

None of us does this perfectly, and we all have bad days, but ideally we behave and act in a consistent manner over time. We don't keep people guessing; they know what to expect when they see us. We're not hot one day then cold the next, kind then dismissive. When people get what they expect, this fuels the reputation we have in our families, our communities, and our workplace.

"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." (Galatians 6:9)

Be Who You Want Others To Say You Are

No one likes a hypocrite. If you want people to think you are friendly, be friendly. If you want people to think you are caring and compassionate, then be caring and compassionate. If you want others to think you have a strong work ethic, then work hard. If you want people to think you are generous, be generous.

I often say that words are cheap...and they are if they aren't backed by consistent actions over time.

"Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward." (Matt 6:2)

We can't force people to think of us a certain way, but as far as it depends on us, we can influence it.

Q. What do you want people to think when they see you coming?

I love a good question!

Until next time - Dan