The Dark Side of Goal-Setting (But Why You Should Set Them Anyway)

Volumes have been written on the value of setting goals; and rightly so. I'm a fan of setting a goal, pushing myself and enjoying the reward of reaching it.

The reality is though, reaching a personal goal can be hard. But you already know this don't you?

If you're like most people, you've set a goal...or want to...maybe you want to learn a new language, get healthier, improve your finances, start a business or run a marathon.

You've identified your BHAG (Big, Hairy, Audacious, Goal) but you haven't made progress or you started and failed. I've been there.

So I don't need to recite a bunch of statistics as to why so many people fall short of their goal. You know just from personal experience how difficult it is.

I'd like to share a few reasons why reaching goals is so difficult and why even setting them in the first place is almost a guarantee of failure...almost.

The Dark Side of Setting Goals (And why they work against us)

They Are Demoralizing

It's weird, but as soon as you set a goal, it now serves to remind you that in some specific area of your life, you are not where you want to be. You haven't gotten there. If you write down your goal (which you should) and read it regularly, even daily (and you could), every time you read it, you are again informed by your own goal, that you aren't there yet.

That can get demoralizing...no wonder so many people quit.

They Are Unattainable

Hear me out. Your goal is unattainable because you haven't reached it. If it was attainable, you'd have achieved it already. But until you hit your goal weight, cross that finish line, sign the new lease, or converse in that foreign country, your goal is only something you might hit, someday. And someday is not today...unattainable.

They Are a Constant Reminder of Failure

How would you like someone to whisper in your ear everyday, "You're a failure, just give up, it's not worth the effort, you'll never make it."

That would be awful wouldn't it? Well, that's what your goal is saying to you...maybe it's more subtle, and not audible, but a goal is no less relentless in reminding us that we are failing.

At this point, you might be asking, "Why bother?" If setting goals works against us achieving them, why should we set goals at all? And what can we do, if anything to mitigate the negative influence setting goals has on us?

I think, we set goals, because we know intuitively that we are created to grow, change and pursue and new things. So now we're stuck. Staying put isn't ideal, but reaching a new goal is seemingly out of reach...aarrgghh!

So I'd like to offer a couple of ways you and I can set a goal and finally reach it.

Have a Compelling Why

Take health for example. 18 months ago, I decided to get healthier. (That alone isn't a goal, just an aspiration but I'll get to it) My why became very clear to me. I was a grandpa by then with a second on the way, and my why became clear to me...I want to be around for as long as I can, to be a part of my grandchildren's lives, and I wanted to be as healthy as I could be.

Today, I have 3 grandchildren with another on the way...my why just gets more and more compelling.

That's my why...to be a healthy, vibrant grandpa, who can keep up with his growing family.

Some other motivation comes from wanting to feel better, sleep better, and look better for my wife Kathy.

All of that is my why...but boil it all down? It's about my grandkids.

If you want to reach a goal, get clear on your why!

Embrace a Process You Can Stick With

For me this is a game-changer.

I think this is where so many get side-tracked. They set a goal and start out with great enthusiasm, but embark on a process they couldn't possibly sustain for the long haul. And before they can see any results, they quit.

Does that sound familiar?

It's a common experience. Just look at gyms January 1 then again March 1.

So back 18 months. At 6 feet tall and 186 pounds, you would have thought that I was relatively healthy. But I knew better. I would describe myself as a "skinny, fat guy", and I wanted to do something about it.

I knew I had to make some changes, changes that I could stick with; so...

Instead of toast for lunch I started eating eggs and cheese.

I began a morning workout routine...nothing crazy, just 3 workouts a week, about 30 minutes each, and I started drinking a protein shake after each workout.

I stopped eating cereal before bed. (But I still crave Vector cereal when I pass it in the Costco aisle)

As far as setting a health goal, I wasn't sure what it would be at first. "Getting healthier" isn't a goal. Losing 10 pounds by July 1 is a goal. (It's realistic, specific, with a date assigned).

But for me, losing weight wasn't my goal. I decided to focus on my body fat %...it was something I could measure, and have a goal with a timeline. Besides, scale weight isn't necessarily a measure of health. At the time I was at about 22% body fat and set a goal of 15%. My research suggested this level would mean I'd accomplished something significant. So this was my BHAG.

My routines continued and I learned more about healthy eating and improved my workouts too. I moved to five workouts a week and found my groove as it were.

My daily habits were eating 180 grams of protein, working out, eating a healthy diet. Not rocket science, but specific things I was willing to do, daily.

I should note here, that even after 6 months of regularly working out Monday to Friday, and eating better than I ever had before, the results were minimal. I felt better, but I can't say I looked much different.

But I persisted; and I would argue, I persisted because I actually enjoyed my routine. I look forward to my morning workouts and protein shakes. I actually miss them on the weekends, and look forward to Mondays.

Today, I weighed myself at 168 pounds and 14.4% body fat.

Some Takeaways on Goal-Setting

I didn't see my body fat % drop below 15% for over 12 months of working out. I had to stay the course and embrace the process.

If you want to see results, you will have to stick with the process for much longer than you think.

Nick Saban, former coach of the Alabama Crimson Tide football team, is famous for calling out the media, calling them poison to his players, because they were crowning the team national champions, even in pre-season. Of course the goal was a national championship...but Saban only focused on the process...the daily practices and prep for the next game.

Everything rises and falls on the process.

Maybe the process is the point. I know those of you who are "outcome" people will bristle at this, but I'm convinced that the process is more important than the goal itself.

When it comes to goals, creating habits that become your lifestyle will serve you well.

• I workout Monday to Friday
• I eat a healthy diet 90% of the time
• Kathy and I go for walks regularly

These are things that I can do a month from now, a year from now and ten years from now...it's my lifestyle now.

Small, doable, consistent steps + time = results.

Now that I've reached my body fat % goal, I want to set a new health goal. Maybe I will shoot for 12% body fat, but I hear to get there is a miserable experience. I don't really want to be 168 pounds...I'd like to be @ 175 pounds...So maybe working on the 7 pounds of muscle, is it.

Time to revisit my why and the process I am willing embrace.

Feeling Stuck? How can I help?

Download your free chapter of "Vantage Point: Five Perspectives to Live a Better Story" Click here Vantage Point