Lessons on Success: From a Christmas Gift Fail
I consider myself to be a pretty good gift giver...and those closest to me would probably agree.
But this one Christmas, I failed...big time; at least with one present in particular.
One of the ideas I had for my wife Kathy, was a puzzle. Now you may be a "puzzle person" but we were not. But I hoped it could become something we could do together, especially on long, cold winter nights...great idea, right?
So I searched and searched for the perfect picture; one that Kathy would like and that would motivate us to complete it. I finally found a 1000-piece picture of a winter scene, with old-world charm buildings and a horse with a carriage. This was a winner for sure.
Our first dive into the world of puzzles was going to be intentional, romantic, relationship-building time together over a heart-warming scene that would take us back to days gone by. I thought it would be a simple pleasure to break up the winter blues. Who needs Norman Rockwell?
Man, was I wrong.
We started into it, by spreading out the pieces on the table, locating the edges and getting our bearings, as we stared at the box and each other with a mixture of interest and uncertainty. But only a few days in, we knew there was no way we were going to finish it. We found it frustrating, boring and leaning over the coffee table for hours didn't help my posture either.
No amount of red wine, or soft music was going to rescue this "couples activity" from the donation pile.
Fail!
Yup, that gift idea didn't work out as planned. But upon reflection, I think there are some helpful takeaways from the whole puzzle idea, and here they are.
First, one of my favourite definitions of success from Tony Evans...
"Success is not what you do compared to what others have done, but what you have done compared to what you were supposed to do."
If you want a measure of success in your life, whatever you decide to take on, here are some helpful hints from our puzzle fail.
- Have a Clear Picture in Mind
I write often about the value of having a picture of how you want your life to go and how you ultimately want to be remembered. Starting with the end in mind, much like picking the "perfect puzzle picture" is a great way to help guide your steps. It may take some time, but the process of getting clarity here is invaluable and worth the effort.
- Start with your borders and boundaries
In other words, if you want success in life, be clear on your values and priorities. What are the things you will include (or exclude) from your life? It may take some time to determine these, but just like starting a puzzle, identifying the border pieces will help you stay within your predetermined boundaries.
My mentor taught me years ago that we should live by our convictions and these convictions are "Decisions we make about a decision, before we ever have to make the decision." I've never forgotten that little piece of wisdom and it has helped guide my decisions throughout my life.
- One piece at a time
As a coach I often ask my clients to complete a life assessment. It's just a tool that identifies areas where they are winning and areas that need attention. But even if there are multiple issues that need attention, you can't likely fix everything at the same time, so it comes down to priority. Some clients just need a win...to see improvement in their health, relationships or finances. If you try to do too much too fast, you will likely fail at any lasting change. But if you focus on 2 or 3 changes at most, with a clear path you can see things improve.
- Don't force fit a piece
I never realized that how similar so many of those 1000 pieces could be, and at times we tried to make one fit, even though it just didn't seem quite right. I think most of the time, you and I know when we are trying to do the same in our personal lives. Maybe it's trying to do too much? (What does your calendar look like?) Maybe you're overspending and you're feeling it emotionally and practically. Maybe you're wrestling with another decision, wondering if you should pull the trigger or not. But if you're forcing it to fit, perhaps you should pass.
- Get a different perspective
One of our greatest frustrations with the puzzle was simply the time it took to find one particular piece. One trick that did help from time to time however was moving around the table, looking at it and the pieces from a different angles. Sometimes it paid off. You and I can benefit from a different perspective too. Get some input from your spouse or trusted friend, teacher, or coach. Often a different voice can make all the difference.
- Sometimes it's wise to quit
There's an idea that gets floated around that when things get tough, you just keep going...you get tougher. "When the going gets tough..." But I think there are times we should just be honest and decide it's time to give something up. Bob Goff, a lawyer, author and speaker is famous for quitting something every Thursday. Bad habits are obvious things we should quit but sometimes we need to quit good things, so we can move on to something even better. I'm not saying that quitting the puzzle saved our marriage but it certainly saved us from unnecessary aggravation and frustration.
It just wasn't for us, so we moved on. Thankfully Kathy likes going 80 miles/hr on a motorcycle so days on two wheels is our hobby of choice now.
- Joy in the journey
If you know me at all, then you know I'm a process guy, more than an outcome guy. I know people who sacrifice the process for the end goal, but that's not my style. If you want to accomplish something important to you, I believe you will enjoy greater success if you choose a path (goals, habits, values, etc) that you can continue for the long haul. Our puzzle journey was short-lived, but it also reminded us of the importance of focusing on things that will make a difference.
Yes, the puzzle gift was a fail, but it serves as a reminder of how to still be successful.
So let me know...are you a puzzle person or a non-puzzle person?
No judgment.
And if I can help, schedule a free call!
Until next time - Dan