Avoid This at Great Cost

Last time we considered the implications of an experiment that asked participants to sit quietly in a room, with no distractions for 15 minutes; and over 50% of the participants couldn't do it. In fact they opted to press a button that they knew would give them a very uncomfortable shock rather than remain in the silence.

The conclusions were that we are not very good at just sitting quietly, or that we have become so accustomed to noise, distractions and multiple inputs throughout the day, that sitting quietly is a real challenge.

It's true, especially since the advent of the smart phone, we are hard-pressed to find quiet time and solace. And the question I ask myself is, "At what cost?"

I'm convinced that when we live without quiet, without downtime and without margin, we potentially sacrifice a lot; and if we intentionally avoid solitude, we pay a huge price.

Consider this...

Lack of self-awareness: without stopping long enough to reflect on our own lives, we can we can simply live each day without purpose or direction; never knowing what we truly want or asking big questions like "Who am I?" or "Why am I here?" or "Why am I doing what I'm doing?"

Relational vulnerability: think about it...if you're someone who doesn't like to be alone or avoids solitude, aren't you prone to having people around for the wrong reasons? Or maybe the wrong person for the right reasons?

Emotional stress: your level of overwhelm is likely related to overstimulation and lack of margin. Imagine trying to read a book where the words start at the left edge and continue to to the right edge. You wouldn't make it past a few pages before being overwhelmed. Margin breeds calm.

Avoidance: Being busy, moving from one obligation to another, and filling our days with noise might be a way to avoid feeling or dealing with stuff we know we ought to, but don't want to. So there's personal risk to stopping long enough to listen to what's going on in our minds, and in our hearts, and possibly what needs attention in our lives.

Solitude Not Solitary Confinement

Last week I promised I would join you in finding 15 minutes of quiet time. Solitude with no distractions...no music, no phones, no TV, and no one else around.

Did you do it? How was it for you? What did you learn? If you didn't do it, why do you think you didn't? What is standing in the way?

As a dear friend said, sitting in an empty room for 15 minutes might be painful, but sitting for an hour on the top of a mountain, is a gift.

That's a great point. Most of us will never replicate the experiment by sitting in a room with nothing in it, but finding an appropriate place where we can enjoy peace and quiet is another thing.

I generally do make it a priority to set aside time for peaceful, quiet, solitude; while sitting in my favourite chair, sitting on my back deck or even while riding my motorcycle.

You might think that last one is a stretch, but the reality is, riding offers solitude in it's own way. Even when Kathy rides with me, we can go long stretches without saying a word. Just being quiet. To be fair, sometimes Kathy has been known to fall asleep, but the truth is, riding offers it's own version of solitude.

(No one seems to talk about the lives motorcycles save, but that's for another day)

Something Is Better Than Nothing

I want to encourage to start wherever you are; something is better than nothing when it comes to setting aside time for quiet reflection. But I also want to encourage you to make it a priority; a regular habit like eating or sleeping. Let's be honest, 15 minutes of quiet once a month is going to have minimal impact on your life. But weekly, or even daily is going to be a game changer.

In a time where everyone wants our attention, multiple screens are at our disposal, with so many options for spending our time, finding time to just sit quietly, with nothing to do but be quiet with our own thoughts, might be one of the healthiest habits you could ever practice.

So let me ask you...

Q. How will you make solitude a habit?

Q. Where will you make solitude a habit?

Q. When will you make solitude a habit?

Next time I will suggest how we can take quiet time and solitude to another level.

Until next time - Dan